by Kara-Leah Grant
Over the past decade I’ve become skilled at working with the unconscious and that which holds us back from realising our dreams. I’m adept at identifying something I would like to experience, and then making it happen.
I wanted to write and publish a book. I’ve now written and published two.
I dreamt of attending Wanderlust in New Zealand, and being on the teaching schedule. Yes, I’ve done that too.
Yet despite my understanding and track record there are still times when I get stuck in limiting beliefs, trapped by my fears, and unable to see my way clear.
Case in point.
In January of this year I made the decision to move to Tauranga to be closer to family, and have Samuel start school up there.
We’ve done this, and it’s been amazing. I’m within easy driving distance of most of the North Island and have been busy travelling here, there and everywhere to teach, speak and present. I’ve already met the most amazing women in the Mount. I’ve joined a local business women’s network and I’m loving hanging out with my family on a regular basis.
However, the house we moved into, with another single parent, is only available for another few months. I knew that moving in, but it was easy, convenient and offered exactly what we were looking for in the short term. Plus the financial commitment was possible.
Now I need to find a new place to live, at a time when rents are increasing in the Bay of Plenty by the month and up to a hundred people apply to get into a house. Renting a house means coming up with four weeks rent for bond and two weeks rent in advance. Or I can move in with other people – something that is harder when you’re a single mother looking for two rooms.
I’ve been watching the rental market for a couple of months, and intended finding another place on the Oropi school bus route, which is where Samuel is currently going to school. We’re living rural, about half an hour drive from either Mount Maunganui or Tauranga, but only ten minutes away from my family.
I love the serenity and feel of living rural. I love being away from the hustle and bustle of the city, I love having no neighbours, I love the sense of always being on retreat.
Yet in the past few weeks I’ve also been feeling increasingly isolated. I’ve been driving into town three or four times a week to teach yoga and attend business meetings, and to take Samuel out and about on the weekend. I miss community.
I miss being able to walk to the park, the beach, the school, or a friend’s house. I’m struggling to make it through the afternoons and evenings, despite Skype and phone calls with close friends and family.
I miss people.
This is the nature of life though. Everything has it’s pros and cons, pluses and minuses, shadow and light. And I know that the trick is always to determine what is of most value. Do I value serenity over community? Bird call over beach time? Proximity to family over proximity to friends?
On Saturday, during yet another long and convoluted conversation about where to live and how to live – rent a house, get in flatmates, move in somewhere, close to Oropi, at the Mount, what about the cost, can I afford it? – my sister-in-law said to me.
Sounds like you just need to work out what you want and then make it happen. That’s the way you always do it. Why aren’t you doing that this time?
Her statement brought me up short.
Because that’s the key to dream realization – first, know what you value and out of that determine what you want to experience. Then, make it happen.
So why wasn’t I doing that myself?
As I felt into it, daring to admit to myself my most cherished dream is setting up house and being part of a community, I was able to sense the fear or belief that was blocking the way.
Fear of commitment.
I was afraid of putting a stake in the ground and declaring that THIS was what I wanted to experience, because once I go ahead and do it, that’s it.
If I move to the Mount, it already necessitates one school change for my son. I can’t do it again. Once I create what I want, there’s no more possibility or dream of something else, something better, something different. I have to commit to what there is and make that work, no matter what.
And I’m afraid.
Of getting it wrong. Of not know what I really want until I’m in the middle of it and then realising I actually want something else.
There is also the financial fear – I’m fortunate in paying only 30% of my income in rent right now. Moving means my rent is likely to go up to 40% or 45% of my income. If I decide to rent a house and get in flatmates, I’m liable for the entire amount straight away, around 60% of my income.
What if I can’t find flatmates? Even paying all that rent for one or two weeks is a big ask. What about the six weeks in advance? What about making weekly rent? What about furniture and linen and kitchen stuff and…
This is the trap, right there. This is why people are afraid to go for their dreams, afraid to make things happen. The practicalities shoot them down before they even start.
But I know better than that.
I know that when you commit to a vision and hold it clear in your mind’s eye, while showing up fully present to each moment, something magical happens. You are led to your dreams, even though it might not always look the way you think it’s going to look.
When I decided in mid-2012 that I was going to write a book, it was going to be a Best of The Yoga Lunchbox book and it was going to be funded by a PledgeMe Campaign.
I made those choices because I was afraid to commit to writing an original book with no guarantee of getting it published or being able to cover the costs.
However, as I went through the PledgeMe Campaign, and with the support and feedback of some very good friends, I could feel the truth of where I was. I could feel that I had to ditch the Campaign and write an original book, with no backing.
It was a difficult decision to make as it meant pulling the plug on something very public and admitting I had got it wrong, because I’d been making the safe choice based on fear.
But I did it.
And then I retreated to the mountains to write Forty Days of Yoga, which has sold well over a thousand copies, and continues to sell well.
Trying to figure out the practicalities of a dream before you even commit to that dream keeps you stuck.
You have to trust that once you get clear and once you commit that the universe will collude with you to make the dream happen, in some way, shape or form.
I know all this, and my sister-in-law’s comment reminded me of it.
So this week, I’ve stopped circling around what I really want to experience. I’ve sat with the fears and beliefs that were holding me back. And I’ve taken concrete action everyday toward living my dream.
Already, people and situations are lining up that I hadn’t envisioned. I’m no longer stuck and am now on my way to living my dream.
We all have unconscious fears and beliefs that hold us back from realising our dreams. Often those fears and beliefs hide behind practicalities.
Correctly identifying the real fears that prevent us from making our dreams come true is a key element of the Forty Day Process.
Then you know what to work with. Then you can get clear on what you really want to do and how you’re going to do it. Then you can determine the daily actions that turn your dreams from the vision into reality. Then you know what tools and strategies to put into place to workaround the inevitable challenges and obstacles that come up.
This is the Forty Day Process.
It’s how I’ve realized all my major dreams in the last four years and how I continue to realize my dreams.
It’s how I can help you realize your dreams.
Habit-Hacking: Programme Yourself to a Powerful Life with the Forty Day Process
Join me in Auckland on Sunday June 21 for a one day workshop where I’ll teach you how to do the Forty Day Process.
Email me if you have questions, or to register.
Stay tuned for workshop dates in Gisborne, Whangarei, Masterton, and Wellington. If you’d like to host a Forty Day Process workshop in your community, email me.
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