by Kara-Leah Grant
I’ve been pondering the yamas and niyamas for a few years now. Reading about them, thinking about them, writing about them… and of course, living them out.
The niyama on my mind right now is Svadhyaya, often translated as study.
Seems to sum up my entire approach to yoga really – the study of the practice and the study of the Self. Without that, there is no yoga, just a bunch of fancy moves thrown together on a mat.
Svadhyaya is the difference between rotely moving from posture to posture to get it done, and actually being present with how the postures affect the body and mind differently from day to day.
Of course, it also bleeds off the mat. Life gives us the opportunity to study the self every time we interact with it – and that’s every single moment of the day.
We can observe how we think and speak, how we walk and move and how we interact with other people. We can observe how different people seem to trigger different reactions within us, and how some situations frighten us and others excite us.
All this observation of the Self in action is Svadhyaya – we begin to know ourselves more deeply.
We start to see aspects of our Selves that we don’t like and would prefer to hide away. The Shadow reveals itself. In doing so, we’re able to integrate and heal the shadow and become more whole as people.
It’s an integral part of yoga, and something that has been integral to my practice from day one. In fact, I wonder if the process of Self study actually came first and yoga came after that. It’s always been my natural inclination to observe and question and to wonder what the truth really is.
For a long time, that natural inclination was focused purely on the outside world. Sometime in my twenties – I suspect when I experimented with various consciousness-expanding drugs – I began to question more deeply what was going on inside of me.
- What was I thinking and feeling?
- Why was I thinking and feeling that?
- What did I actually believe?
- Where did that belief come from?
- Was it true?
It’s a process which continues today, and it likely the mainstay of my yoga practice – more so than asana or even meditation or pranayama. There’s always a part of me watching me in action and learning from the watching. This creates a feedback loop that generates a constant evolution. I’m not the same person I was nine years ago, three years ago, a year ago, six months ago or even a month ago.
I can read an article I wrote and see the false belief that gave rise to those thoughts and ideas even four weeks ago – when four weeks ago I thought those thoughts and ideas were true.
In the seeing, I can let go of that false belief. Such is the purification of Svadhyaya.
It’s the peeling back of the ego-identity, onion-thin layer after onion-thin layer. All that I think I am is reveled to be an illusion – or at least just a belief picked up somewhere along the way from my parents, school, society, culture and/or the world.
Toss that into the fire, and that, and that.
I can see now where this is going. I can see how the fifth and final niyama, surrender, falls into place.
For if all layers of Self are stripped away and revealed to be false – just another idea, just another thought, just more programming – what is left? Under the layers? What remains? What is there to be seen? Who is there to be seen? Is there even a Who anymore?
What am I, truly, but a collection of ideas and thoughts and beliefs?
With all those gone – then what?
I don’t know yet.
There are still ideas and thoughts and beliefs that make up my ego identity. I am a writer. I am a mother. I am… yet are these not just roles I’m playing? Costumes shrugged on for the duration of the play? Can I be that which is asked of me in this moment without confusing the role for my identity?
I wonder.
I wonder much right now.
What is underneath it all?
Who is underneath it all?
How far does the rabbit hole go?
Dare I strip it all away until nothing more to strip away?
Dare I?
Dare?
Thought for the day:
“It’s breathtaking to consider: You have two eyes, each composed of 130 million photo-receptor cells. In each one of those cells, there are 100,000,000,000,000 (100 trillion) atoms – that’s more than all the stars in the Milky Way galaxy. However, each atom in each cell in each eye formed in the core of a star, billions of years ago and yet, here they are today, being utilized to capture the energy released from that same process. All to expand the consciousness of YOU. The universe has an interesting sense of irony, in that you are the inverse experiencing itself.
And all you are is a thought.”
-Anonymous
Definition:
Truth/Enlightenment- The realization that ‘you’ do not exist.
Death- when ‘you’ do not exist anymore.
The key phrase in both being: “‘you’ do not exist”
The Ego guards itself with the Fear of Death. It does not want you crossing that ocean of fear to find out Truth. To find out who you really are.
You have already realized that:
you are not a yogi
you are not a woman
you are not a daughter
you are not a mother
you are not reading this
why?
Because ‘you’ do not exist
So that all being said. The question still remains:
Who are you?
You ask “Dare I strip it all away until nothing more to strip away?”
Truth is a destructive process.
The hesitation you are feeling is part of the Egos defense mechanism.
The ego does not wish to be destroyed.
The ego is the only thing that fears death, destruction & failure.
Keep asking questions.
All the answers to all the questions you have, are inside you. You already know what is true. You are Truth.
Keep going.
Be at Peace,
Doug
PS
Please know the search for truth can be an exhaustive process. It is a good thing to take breaks and just be a mom, a yogi, etc. and simply enjoy life and have some silly fun.
Best Wishes 🙂
Hey Doug,
What a delight to read another comment from you. I’d been about to send you an email and thank you for the book suggestions you made on the last comment on There’s nothing wrong with you. You don’t need fixing. I bought Jed McKenna’s book, Spiritual Enlightenment the Damnest Thing. Brilliant. Read it in three days, and have gone straight back to read it again. Slower this time to savour it and feel into it all. And maybe see if I can poke a few holes in it too.
I have no fear of death. Never have that I can remember. Although who knows how the body reacts when confronted with a near-death situation. But the abstract doesn’t bother me.
Who am I? I’m beginning to suspect nothing more than a process. A bunch of ideas, thoughts and beliefs responding in the moment to what’s in front of me, based on the ideas of what I want or what I think should be. But even that is changing as those ideas and beliefs are revealed and stripped away. So a process. Nothing more than a meeting of a moment. It’s extraordinarily liberating. So I’m going, as far as one can go, until it’s done.
In between there’s plenty of silliness and dancing going on. Actually, it’s becoming far easier to be silly and dance through the day now that I’ve dropped all ambition. Insidious that one – got an article brewing on it.
Thanks for stopping by again. It’s a delight to read your comments.
Blessings,
kL
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Hahaha…
It sounds like you have a very healthy outlook on life.
Good for you!
🙂
If more people come to see what a cosmic joke life really is, there would be much more singing, dancing and silliness going on.
I don’t think anyone ever regretted dancing too much or being too silly in life.
Since you enjoyed Jed McKennas first book, you may also want to check out his other two. Spiritually Incorrect Enlightenment and Spiritual Warfare.
His first book was the bread & butter of his message, but his other two are also both good reads.
There is one last book which you ‘may’ wish to check out as well. It is called A Duet of One by Ramesh Balsekar.
It is the Ashtavakra Gita, but each phrase is listed then broken down and translated into simple English. So even if one has zero background in spirituality one will be able to much better grasp the gita.
But a word of caution before running out and buying a bunch of books. Spiritual books are much like Poetry.
One may feel that they have just read the greatest poem in all existence, but have the entire world disagree with them.
Spiritual books like poems are going to speak to your soul or not. or it may not make any sense today, but a year on it will.
Strange but true.
On a bit lighter note, I just wanted to thank you for your wonderful website.
I have just started incorporating yoga into my physical rehabilitation program due to a spinal injury.
Your website has been a wealth of information into this overwhelming new world of yoga.
Ive been married to my brand new yoga mat for four months now and have already had a vast
improvement in quality of life.
So if anyone out there is also gifted with a banged up spine, I highly recommend yoga to help get you back on your feet. Though admittedly, some mornings it is a serious love hate relationship with the loveable / damnable yoga mat. Hahaha…
Anyway I am most appreciative of all the wonderful articles you have posted here. It has made the massive world of yoga much easier to understand.
Thank you.
🙂
Peace and Happiness,
Doug
Hey Doug,
God Jed’s second book on order already, and excited. Just finished Ken Wilbur’s book Grace & Grit which made for a delightful divergence into difficult territory – cancer, healing, love, life, death and spirituality.
Great to hear you’ve gained so much from The Yoga Lunchbox. Yoga can be incredible for spines, for sure. Of course, it takes the person to actually apply the yoga!
Many blessings,
KL