Been resisting your yoga mat lately?
This is something that’s come up a few times lately from readers – why is it so hard to get on the mat when I know it’s good for me and I feel so good afterwards?
Oh boy, have I been there! Here’s my experience, what helped me bust through that resistance once and for all, and what I learned in the process.
My first yoga experience was a ten-week Iyengar course in 1995. I knew, without a doubt, that yoga was going to be an integral part of my life. That it was Super Duper Important and would forever Change Me.
My next yoga experience? 2000. I think. Maybe late 1999. A four year gap at least.
Serious Mat Resistance folks. Serious.
So why?
Why wait four or five years in between yoga experiences when I knew it was the thing for me?
Fear. Unconscious fear mind you.
I was seriously disembodied when I started yoga. I lived entirely in my head. Going to class and paying attention to my breathing brought me headfirst into contact with feelings and emotions I’d been denying and resisting for a decade or more. Total Unconscious Overwhelm. Get me the f%#k out of here.
You, my dear Lunchboxer, are unlikely to experience anything quite so dramatic. I hope. Your mat resistance is likely to be of a more subtle kind.
Like what I experienced six or so years ago.
I was living in Queenstown. I’d been practicing on and off for five years. I was building up a regular home practice. And now that I’d been asked to teach, totally out of the blue, I had committed to a daily practice.
On My Mat no Matter What.
Some days I’d be squirming at the thought of practicing. I could feel this wall of protesting feeling loom up inside that begged me to steer clear of yoga.
But I couldn’t.
I was teaching.
Teachers practice daily.
So despite this overwhelming feeling of Not Wanting to Practice, I got on my mat.
And invariably, would cry.
Yup. Every time. Tears and tears and more tears. Sometimes in child. Often in Warrior variations. Occasionally in upward dog or cobra.
This was why I felt serious resistance to practicing yoga – because I’d spent a lifetime resisting feelings and some part of me just knew there were feelings waiting to be expressed and getting on the mat would give those feelings the green light.
Invariably, I also felt so much better after having a good cry. It was such a relief.
Eventually, when I felt the resistance to practicing, instead of putting off my yoga practice and experiencing hours of that awful limbo hanging state, I would throw myself on my mat and declare,
Right! Lets bring those tears on!
It worked. Getting through the tears got easier and easier, and the number of practices where I didn’t feel resistance and there were no tears became more and more frequent.
This is my experience of Mat Resistance.
Yours, my friend, will be different, but the same. A part of you knows that when you get on the mat, you will experience some type of change. You may experience some emotions. A different part of you is afraid of the change, and afraid of the emotion.
The knowing and the fear create the resistance.
Although, you could see it in another way.
When you feel the resistance to practicing, you know there is something glorious waiting for you on the mat – some kind of break-through, some kind of letting go, some kind of transformation.
So you can re-frame the feeling of resistance.
Instead of feeling resistance and buying into it… and resisting getting on the mat. Feel the resistance and rejoice in it.
Woo hoo! I feel resistance, it’s gonna be a doozie of a practice!
And then get on your mat as fast as you can and face whatever dragon needs to be faced.
Make sure though that you take time to breathe into your body and enquire into the nature of the resistance so you know what you need to do. Not all resistance is the same, and not all resistance requires the same response.
Some resistance is fear of change.
Some resistance is fear of feeling.
Some resistance is because your body is tired and wants a good rest – do yoga nidra instead!
Working with your resistance in this way, with total awareness, will re-wire your brain.
Eventually, whenever you feel resistance in your life, instead of buying into it and avoiding something, you’ll know to turn toward it and enquire into it’s nature so you know the best response.
You’ll be amazed at where this practice will take you, both on the mat, and off the mat.
Two of my friends had the awesome phrase ‘run towards the fear’ to remind us that usually we were trying to avoid something that, when faced and dealt with appropriately, would open up unknown wonders on the other side. Of course, it’s possible to go towards the fear mentally and not physically, but it just delays things and makes a big ol’ mess. Ask me how I know! hahahahaha
Hey Jessica,
I love that phrase… run towards the fear!
Blessings,
KL
glad you mentioned that last one,
“Some resistance is because your body is tired and wants a good rest”
that’s gotta be one of my most commonly ignored needs, getting a good rest…
thank you much 😉
Hey Adan,
It’s sooooo important to hear that! And it’s often the thing we’re not listening to most….
Blessings,
KL
Yes!!! Run towards the fear!!!!! Woohoo!
Yay… it’s a Fear Stampede!
This is just what I needed right now – thank you KL!!
I love your phrase of “mat resistance.” It’s with me all the time. I call it the Big R, but I remind myself that it’s not so much a daily discipline as it is a Daily Devotion. Cheers.
Hey Ray,
Love the phrase Daily Devotion… it’s so true!
Great article Kara-Leah! I’ve heard that we resist spiritual development for fear of evolving to a higher realm, we don’t want to evolve because we know how this existence works, we are familiar with it, we really like it here on Earth so we will do our best to stay.
Love The Yoga LunchBox!
Yogachakra xxx
Hey Yogachakra,
Interesting idea… hadn’t thought about evolving into a different realm as such. Hard to imagine living/existing anywhere other than on Earth!
Blessings,
KL
Thank You for this article. I’ve attended two yoga classes recently after a HUGE amount of resistance (years of it) and I feel it in the way a child might dig their heels in and so ‘NO, I DON’T WANT TO’.. I am enjoying being there and learning something new, but I also HATE it because it makes me feel so vulnerable and fragile.
Reading this article made me realise I am not alone and reading the part about being completely in your head makes a huge amount of sense to me. I find it incredibly difficult to trust my body. I experienced trauma as a child (sexual abuse) and only started remembering it and dealing with it about a year ago and when I get on the mat I am taken right back to being that vulnerable, broken and ashamed child. No wonder it is so hard for me to practice yoga and no wonder there is such a love/hate relationship with it!
I’ve been in therapy for over a year (currently on a 3+ months break due to her maternity leave) and I’ve got better at letting the emotions come, knowing that if I just work through them I can let them go and move on with healing. I guess that is what I need to do. I’m thinking now that it might be useful for me to practice on my own for a bit, until I can work through that phase of crying that you describe. I think it’ll help me feel less afraid compared to crying in front of others in classes. Would you recommend any online resources or books for a total beginner?
It’s so difficult because a HUGE part of me wants to do this (and meditation) and throw myself into it, and another part of me is so incredibly terrified of the emotions and memories stored in my body (just writing about it now makes me feel tearful!).
Sorry, I’ve written for much longer than I intended, it was just a relief to find someone else who has felt similarly to me. I think I need to just take it easy and be kind to myself whilst I figure this out (rather than be tempted to practice practice practice and rush through the ouch/feeling part). Thank you again for this article. Tam x
Hey Tam,
Thank you for your comment – you bring up some excellent points which I’m sure other readers will relate to. Yoga is often far more challenging if we’ve experienced any kind of trauma. As you say, it brings us into a fragile, vulnerable space. I highly recommend a combination of therapy + yoga, especially when you know there’s many things to explore. It sounds you’re working with a great person already, and that will help you make sense of things as they come up on the yoga mat.
I’m finishing off a book written specifically for the total beginner… working title is The Beginner’s Guide to Yoga. I’m hoping to launch it electronically in August, so stay tuned for that.
Be kind and compassionate with yourself as you embark on this yoga journey. Yes, keep showing up to the mat, but don’t bully yourself or force yourself into anything. Sometimes doing CHild’s pose for ten minutes may be enough. Sometimes savasana may be enough. But again… it sounds like you know exactly what you’re doing and how to do it.
Good luck with everything! I’m so glad you’ve found yoga.
Many blessings,
Kara-Leah