I’m so excited right now.
And really happy.
There’s joy spilling from my fingertips.
I’ve had Massive Attack blasting in the morning as I dance my way through making breakfast and Madonna getting in to the groove when I get ready to go out…
Not only have I found an awesome house to live in city-side, but I’ve also got three super-duper roomies moving in.
Plus I’m building up my one-on-one yoga clientale, and LOVING teaching my students.
I’m doing writers coaching via Skype and getting a huge kick out of the massive break-throughs of the people I’m working with.
I’m helping small businesses set up their WordPress websites and loving seeing their faces when they realise how easy it is to do.
And you know what?
It feels really weird.
I’m noticing a tendency to pull back and get scared and not put the music on because… I’m afraid.
Life can’t be this easy, this joyous, this happy, this fulfilling, this loving…
Where’s the struggle and the drama and the angst?
Oh right – I threw that all away with my relationship. Back when I stood up and said I wasn’t going to live like that anymore because life was too damn short and joy truly does exist in every single moment if only we open up into it.
So people, I’ve been opening.
And the results have been incredible.
One weekend I could feel it was time to move back to Wellington. So I wrote up a vision of the house I wanted to live in and the people I wanted to live with.
By the following weekend, I had the people.
So we sat down and wrote a joint vision of our perfect house.
Six days later, we had the house. Not only did it have everything we’d written in our Vibe, it also had ALL the Must Haves and even the Nice-to-Haves.
Now I have a clear idea of the kind of work I want to do, how much I want to get paid, who I want to work for, and how much fun it will be to do this work.
It’s already coming true.
Life hasn’t always been like this. There was serious struggle for seven years. Now though, looking back, I see that life hasn’t changed, the world hasn’t changed, the only thing that’s changed is me.
I was the only one ever getting in my own way. My beliefs, my ideas, my blocks, my limitations, my shadow…
Now, feeling the joy and the happiness of living a life I’ve dreamt about… I notice the fear that arises when I feel like cranking the music and dancing around the living room for the sheer joy of it and I wonder…
Why am I so afraid to be happy?
And then I realise.
It’s not that I’m afraid to be happy.
It’s that Happiness is the unknown.
And I’m afraid of the unknown.
I’m scared of what might happen if I go where I’ve never been before, so part of me wants to keep clinging to what I’ve always known, even when it’s made me miserable.
Time to leap into the unknown.
Time to embrace the joy, and the ease, and the happiness.
Sure there will be tough spots along the way. But shit – if I can handle what I’ve handled to date in my life… I can handle anything. And if I can handle anything…
Then what the hell am I so damn afraid of?
Tell me that huh?
Tell me that.
I may have lost my mind once upon a time ago. But now I’ve found my heart.
I’m home at last people.
Home at last.
Check out my new website, Kara-Leah.
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