by regular columnist Elissa Jordan, Adventures in Teaching
I’m feeling utterly dejected this morning. Getting out of bed – struggle. Getting to work – struggle. Talking to people – struggle. What’s got me so down?
While teaching last night one of my students remarked about what a difference there was between the Wednesday and Monday night classes. Wednesday, my class, on the night was six people. Monday, another teacher’s class, was overflowing.
No real judgement was made – good or bad – one of my regulars responded how happy she was to be in a smaller class, with room to move and more personalised attention.
At the time I let it slide. My job was to teach the best class possible, whether to one student or one hundred. But when I got home, I allowed myself to get sucked into the story behind this off the cuff comment. I allowed myself to be convinced it was a very personal affront and a reflection on me, not only as a yoga teacher, but as a person.
Because my class on Wednesday was smaller than another teacher’s class on a Monday, I was a bad teacher, a bad person and I was wanting to crawl into a deep, dark hole and never return.
A bit dramatic? Maybe.
However, it’s what happened.
My extreme reaction was to a story I devised in my head, not to the individual who made the comment or the reality behind the comment. And this story I created in my mind, was nothing more than my ego getting the better of me.
When I step back and look at it all rationally I see that Monday, at the start of the week, where people are renewing a promise to themselves to get back to their yoga – and these people turn out in bigger numbers.
I see the two classes available on the Wednesday where students can go along to a lunch class or a class later in the evening. Resulting in both classes being thinner than the Monday.
I also see my Saturday class at the same studio. A class that is typically full to bursting. And I see the fallacy.
Most importantly, I see how the size of my class or any comments made about it has no reflection on who I am.
Your trigger as a yoga teacher, that tendency towards collapse and despair might not be comparison. It might be something entirely different. However, when you sense yourself being triggered, especially if this happens when you’re teaching or about to teach, acknowledge the trigger and then put it to the side. Remind yourself that you have a job to do. When you’re being of service to your students, it’s not about you, it’s about them.
After the class, on your own time, revisit these triggers. Sit with them. Contemplate, meditate, write. Look at these things for what they are, rather than allow these triggers to destroy you.
For me, it was only after a solid yoga practice, a deep soak in the tub with a glass of wine and a bit of chocolate and time spent in contemplative writing that I was able to let go of this story that had gotten me so shaken.
I’ve talked to a few other teachers and they’ve shared similar stories of being rattled by something that’s happened to trigger them as part of their teaching. If it’s ever happened to you, take comfort in knowing that you’re not alone.
This is just part of the on-going process of yoga, and yoga teaching. With mindfulness, you can become more and more astute at recognising your triggers, and working with them to release the underlying issues. In this way, your yoga teaching becomes your yoga practice.
Have you read ‘Yoga and the Quest for the True Self ‘ by Sephen Cope. If not then I recommend you do.
I think all yoga teachers have experienced what you have described. I certainly have. I have run my studio for nearly 3 years now and still have classes bursting at the seams one night and only 3 or 4 students the next. I used to go through all the same thought patterns that you described but not anymore. I came to the realization that as a teacher, I get much more satisfaction when numbers are low and I can be more spontaneous in my teaching by tailoring the class to the student. We get to go deeper, do more explorations and generally have more time to play. I learn more from those classes than the big ones. So even if they are not as financially rewarding I certainly get more out of them.
But the main reason why I don’t concern myself with numbers is because of the people and the stories behind their yoga practice. I feel honored that when people are facing difficulties or challenges in their lives, they find comfort, peace, support or something that can’t even be put into words from my classes. And that leaves me with a better feeling than a jam packed room!
jude
Hey E suburban yogi here…. I read or heard somewhere this lovely saying, that which is of great importance can not be measured and that which can be measured is of no importance. Think about that in your wine/bath/chocolate times.
Also just wanted to share my devastating 2 person class the other day. I started off by announcing rather cruelly to the two who HAD come that I couldn’t financially keep this class going with 2 people, we went on to have a rather beautiful class once I put myself to one side. Then at the end one of the students shared something that would never have come out in one of those rock concert classes and then a light dawned on me, if this class was transformational for one student then I should be so proud of that process regardless of how many were in there to share it. So my message to all you lovely teachers out there, again, the prize is in the process, the process is not connected to how many show, everyone who needs to be there IS, trust that.
Wine, chocolate and a bath – excellent way to get perspective on everything!
Hey Elissa,
I love this article. You have touched on a core aspect of being a yoga teacher – the way that what happens in class will always trigger our issues, and it takes maturity to be able to recognise that and deal with the issues away from class & students.
Plus you’ve also hit a chord on something every teacher encounters, constantly fluctuating class numbers!
Loved this article.
I had an experience like this when I was talking to a women (who did not know that I was a yoga teacher) who said “oh I prefer pilates to yoga because of the bodies of the teachers, they always look so much stronger, leaner and thinner than the yoga teachers”
Oh how I fumed!
Until I realised the only reason it bothered me was because it bought up old feelings of not being a good enough teacher because of my healthy size 12 form.. I obviously had some more letting go to do around that one and the comment catalysed that perfectly.
🙂
Not always so–about the pilates teachers’ bodies (however, they vary even with the same person and are not afraid of a little body fat). As a mature student, I thankfully, appreciate the relative chronological maturity of my pilates teachers as compared to any yoga teachers I have had up until about a year ago, when I’d left commercialized live yoga classes.
And I am a U.S. size 12 (a tight-fitting one at the moment). At my leanest ever, I was a tight-fitting U.S. size 10.
I prefer pilates to yoga for the REAL reasons: I have tight hips that got marginally looser in 5+ years of regular practice, became flexitarian (still a big leap for me) and not vegetarian, I practice my own form of pilates at home several times a week in addition to classes, as hip-hop-mogul-yogi Russell Simmons once said, “You get a better ‘yoga butt’ doing pilates…”, and last but not least, my lungs can’t take the incense that – at least several of the places I’ve gone to – used to use in concentrations enough to reassure hard-working, non-well-off students that they were getting their money’s worth …
I was provided a good lesson yesterday. I found out that a woman who came to my ladies-only class just opened her own yoga & counselling studio where I live. She began her yoga journey with me a number of months ago in an Intro to Yoga series that I taught. There was only her and one other student in the class.
She is a Muslim woman, hence why she was attending this particular class for women only. She loved yoga! She was so passionate about it. She is a psychologist and was unhappy in her current work role, so I’m not surprised at her combining her skills as a counsellor with offering yoga as a compliment to that. As women-only classes are somewhat limited here she talked about going to India to further her studies. Plus, she just wanted to learn so much! Seems she did and brought back some teachers, she tells me, from the oldest institute in Mumbai, India who will teach at the studio.
It just goes to show that the numbers aren’t what’s important but that we help to inspire people to bring the practice of yoga into their lives….. and maybe it will extend to others as well.
thank you!