by Kara-Leah Grant, Musings from the Mat
It was one of those behaviours or activities that started softly, softly, slipping in under the mat and under awareness.
A shared bottle of wine once a week.
A shared bottle of wine twice a week.
A bottle of vodka in the house – a cocktail before dinner four or five times a week, then a glass or two of wine.
Never more than two or three drinks in a night, never every night of the week. But still…
As time went by, this behaviour began to tug at my consciousness. I noticed I was drinking more. That I seemed to want to drink more. That there were times when I didn’t feel like I could say no to a glass of wine at dinner.
Eventually, a desire arose to stop drinking, but my desire to continue was too strong and so I kept drinking.
Now I knew that I was indulging in alcohol not for pleasure’s sake but for avoidance sake. Something was at play, I was using substances again and it wasn’t pretty.
So one night, after another night of wine with dinner, I stopped.
Cold turkey.
And boy what a difference. I feel clearer. I’m more present. My asana practice has increased. I’m naturally waking up early again, and wanting to get out of bed. I feel healthier. I’m making better food choices.
My early morning yoga practice has naturally resumed – stoked to finally be practicing in the AM after years of home practice, it went by-the-by a couple of months ago. What luxury to again be up early enough to practice yoga!
But I’ve also had to face the issues around intimacy I was avoiding – the very reason I was reaching for that vodka cocktail at the end of a long day of work and child-raising. Or that glass of wine over dinner.
Yes, I may have only been having two or three alcoholic drinks, four or five times a week, but it was still avoidance. And that’s what counts.
So alcohol and the yogi – do the two mix?
There is no definitive answer to that question.
In my experience – and that’s all I ever speak from – increased yoga practice leads to increased awareness leads to better choices around drug and alcohol use. You start to really notice what drugs and alcohol is doing to your body and you don’t like it. You really don’t like it.
Once I used ecstasy, cocaine, mushrooms, marijuana and alcohol on a regular basis. I’ve even given up caffeine. Now, I only use alcohol, and that was sporadic.
Until some time this year when it wasn’t sporadic anymore, when it became a habit, and then it became an avoidance technique – a way to relax.
Totally illusory though – relaxing via alcohol is only the appearance of relaxing.
Today, after a day of work and child-raising, when I would have been reaching for a vodka juice while cooking dinner, I did five sun salutations. I got my relaxation… and I also got increased awareness, strength and flexibility.
Of course, there’s a reason I was using more alcohol, even in moderate amounts. I was avoiding intimacy. I was avoiding looking at a few issues. (Issues! There’s always bloody issues!) Really, I was just avoiding the present moment.
So now, I’ve had to face that moment, and it hasn’t all been fun and games this last week. But it’s felt a lot better physically and mentally.
It was easy to cruise along, drinking and avoiding myself. After all, I enjoy alcohol – in small doses, mindfully – that was my thinking around it.
I mean, I’m just drinking in the Tantric way – full awareness of the moment. What’s two or three glasses in an evening?
Nothing. And everything. It all depends on why you’re drinking, and the effects it’s having on your body and mind. Naturally rajas or even sattva with all my yoga practice, alcohol was turning me totally tamastic. (Those are the three gunas, or states of mind, read up on them here.)
I didn’t like that. And I didn’t like it enough that I was finally able to just stop.
Sunday was the day. We’d had a potluck dinner the night before and I’d had a fruity vodka drink before dinner and two glasses of wine while eating. Nothing huge, nothing excessive, but it didn’t feel great. I didn’t sleep great. I woke up feeling – not great.
And that was it. Something in me switched. Enough. I’m done. Take a break.
So I have.
Will I drink again? Probably. Drinking is not the issue. The issue is why I’m drinking.
Will I drink to avoid intimacy, will I drink to relax because there’s inner tension I’m not dealing with, will I drink to escape?
Maybe, maybe not. I continue to practice yoga. My awareness continues to grow. Out of that expanded awareness, I see more and understand more. I make different choices. I evolve. My life evolves. There is no definitive answer, only a tendency towards a particular outcome.
Alcohol and the yogi – do they mix? It’s a nonsense question really. Yoga is not about rules, about right or wrong, about living this way or that, about fulfilling this role or that role. It’s about awareness. It’s about conscious choice. It’s about being present.
Sometimes they mix. Sometimes they don’t.
Cultivate awareness and you cultivate the clarity to know what’s right for you.
Because you know, you always know – no matter what your mind tries to tell you.
What’s your experience with alcohol and yoga? Does more practice make you drink less?
Thanks for the great article. I love your site and have enjoyed your writing since I first came across it five years ago. I believe alcohol could be just one of several behaviors that one can use as a way to avoid uncomfortable experiences in life.. However, when we, as humans practice yoga or other mindfulness-based activities our problems become more manageable because our perspective changes in so many ways. Some studies I have read and conducted on the practice of yoga have shown how people’s thoughts, behaviors, and health outcomes change over time. In fact, sometimes our problems (psychological and possibly physical) completely vanish as they were completely just made up in our heads or rather an outcome of our past perception (distorted at reality is how I would describe it for myself). I have noticed that when I practice more yoga (along with meditation, mantra, prayer, and other mindfulness activities) the less I desire to eat foods (American junk, fast, and processed foods), drink beverages (alcohol, soda) and do other activities that are soley based on providing pleasure to the individual (tv, and other entertainment). Because of my yoga practice, I can enjoy these pleasure activities, but do not crave them or desire to have them as compared to when they are a part of my regular life. The attachment with the outcome of pleasure that is related to activities such as drinking alcohol keeps us from facing our stressors and really just numbs us to our feelings. Yoga and other mindfulness practices change us in body, mind, and spirit so that we can face these issues. Yoga practice allows behaviors such as drinking alcohol or other unhealthy habits to naturally fall away with less effort. In many ways yoga makes making the right decisions easier in life. This is why I like to use the definition of yoga as skillful action.
Beautifully said Brandon – thank you!
Thanks for sharing your epiphany with us Kara-Leah. I really commend your strength and accountability you’ve set for yourself. It really is a case of listening to what you need in the moment and taking action to provide that for yourself. I’ve pin-balled from substance, to alcohol, to food and sugar obsessions in the past and from time to time will be ravenous for sugar again but yoga and meditation practise always helps me to create some space around it and feel whats going on in my body albeit sometimes after the block of chocolate has been devoured… I’m a work in progress:) But I’m always amazed at how much I’m holding onto and grateful that I have a practise to work with and a community to share with. So thank you!
Oh yes – sugar! That’s definitely a big one for me as well… about all that’s left I think. Yes, it’s all a work in progress for sure. I love how yoga makes it easier… not about rules or regulations or forbidding oneself or discipline… just tuning in, listening and taking appropriate action.
Awesome article Kara-Leah! So true – need I add more!
I agree. My experience has been with cigarettes, which I have smoked on and off, for many years. I would have one a day, sometimes two, sometimes none, but I would always come back to it, even after not smoking for 2 years while pregnant and breastfeeding – twice.. And then in April, after about 8 months of practicing yoga most days, my body just said no. Actually, my body decided way before my brain knew anything about the decision. All of a sudden, I felt sick if I had a cigarette and my cravings disappeared, even at the trigger times. I’ll never smoke again, and I blame it all on yoga 😉
Oh yoga, yoga , yoga… not even cigarettes can stand in your way! Love it!
KL
Firstly I have to say Glenorchy is getting some really good Yogis down there. 3 of my Favorites from Taranaki in fact !! 🙁 lucky you and such a small population.
Maybe this story might shed some Light on your other story linked with perspective. 2010 a lot of perspective can change in 3 years.
Is this statement a total paradox ?
“I’m also going to share the story of why I no longer use drugs (except for caffeine and alcohol). This is probably the most important part of my story, because it shows one path that leads away from drug use and toward wholeness. ”
this is what I Read in it. . I have gone from a few Drugs, some really with a low LD50 ( toxicity ) to one that is really toxic and will block the expansion of my mind and cause permanent brain damage (alcohol)
KL do you think that you would be where you are now with out all that experience under your belt ?
Interesting Study.
http://www.hopkinsmedicine.org/press_releases/2006/07_11_06.html
Any way my perspective is that the other article
https://theyogalunchbox.co.nz/2010/07/30/getting-out-of-my-mind-first-with-drugs-then-with-yoga/ is carrying a few very very mixed up perspective.s.
Its almost like saying, Lets do yoga and have a Shot of vodka between each pose. Watch a bit of TV and party between a few of those poses. Then saying oh Yoga really fucks you up.
As you reference Ken Wilber my all time favorite go to for Philosophy. Yes I have seen and understand Spiritual emergency in a good friend. Which letting the matrix in too quick is not great for.
I would say understanding ( integral talk ) the difference between States, Stages and the Multiple intelligence, levels and lines within these states and stages would give more context to the article.
My main thing, is Intention is the biggest variable, to blowing your brains or using this as a tool for transformation. Was it there ?
Ken and His good friend Alex Talk transformation
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-Z3j7laY2lI
http://vimeo.com/24478031
Yes and I fully agree Drinking Alcohol is a HUGE no no for serious yogis. In fact anyone whom values their brain health.
Hey Al,
Oh who are those three yogis??? Dying to know – don’t think I’ve come across them.
re. the paradox in this sentence: “I’m also going to share the story of why I no longer use drugs (except for caffeine and alcohol). This is probably the most important part of my story, because it shows one path that leads away from drug use and toward wholeness.”
I’d always used alcohol, by the time I wrote this article though, I was no longer going out and binge drinking, getting wasted, or having blackouts. My drinking had morphed into the more civilised wine-with-dinner variety. So is there a paradox in that sentence? Not really, it just shows the slow progression away from toxins due to consistently practicing yoga.
I’m not sure about the “mixed up perspective” you refer to in this article: https://theyogalunchbox.co.nz/2010/07/30/getting-out-of-my-mind-first-with-drugs-then-with-yoga/. In it I was noting that the mindset one brings to a yoga practice can be the same mindset that one brings to drug use – it’s subtle, but it can be there. In essence, I was using my yoga to escape from difficult feelings just as I had used drugs. It took me a few years to learn how to consistently use yoga to stay present with reality and feelings. There’s no suggestion at all that yoga fucks you up. Practicing yoga while also using drugs can have certain affects on the psyche which can be intense and difficult to work with.
Intention is a huge variable for sure – and often, as I say, my intention was to escape, rather than to be with.
I should have said 3 of my favorite teachers and Friends. Ram and Bhavani whom I dropped off at the airport last Thursday, so they will be floating around some where. Ram is working at the new retreat. The other I am not sure I can say yet, as shes still a month or so away, but they have the property so it will be happening.
So its likely I will be in town as some stage to visit 🙂
The other topic Big Big Big Huge, Philosophical debate, that has been going for centuries. Which we have similar views in some ways, but very very different perspectives in others.
So is there a paradox in that sentence? To me yes a very obvious Paradox. But then life has Paradox every where. The contradictions in our society are glaring to some, while others are oblivious. The West is Killing its self with abundance and over eating, While millions starve in the 3rd world and so on and so on…
“There’s no suggestion at all that yoga fucks you up. :
There was no suggest from me also. In noway was I suggesting that.
It was used in the context and the logic of the other article..
Lumping all drugs / entheogens into the same category ” toxins ” is a little misguided. IMHO . Hence the yoga and alcohol comment.
(Any ways big topic that, I would not go into on a public forum) Maybe we will chat about it some day.
I had not visited the Yoga Lunchbox for a while. KL It’s looking good.!! Your doing well, with everything you got going on.
I was up a the Ashram Yoga’s Ohui Retreat and did a class with Swami Shantimurti Saraswati Wednesday morning and saw your link on his website. and here we are 🙂
Take Care
Thank you so much for your article on drinking and yoga.
I’ve been really struggling with both, you really helped me see how I was rationalizing my drinking
Very good article. As someone who has struggled with these issues in the past I often feel a real lack of empathy from the Yoga teachers who NEVER have… Thankyou- great writing 🙂 x
Thank you for putting this article out there. When I see events combining alcohol and yoga being promoted like “bends and brews” and things like that it makes me uncomfortable and sad that that is the direction some instructores are choosing to take their work. Yet I am a yogi and a teacher and I drink (away from work – but when is a true yoga teacher ever “away from work”? Is it not our daily, our life, practice?). I have struggled a lot with my relationship with alcohol, because of my devotion to yoga, and because of alcohol problems that exist in my family unit – both elements which create great conflict for me internally around the topic. My experience personally has been like you have described, something that in certain cultures and in certain circles people can justify as normal or healthy or ”fine”… but you know in your heart and your soul that it’s not fine and that in fact you are in avoidance of the present moment. We have to ask what is our real goal? What is our true heart’s desire? I have found that more often than not my tendency around alcohol is essentially about taking the edge off, and extremely rarely are more than a few drinks involved. But the question that begs to be answered is what’s at your edge? You will never find out if you don’t leave the substances to the wayside, and we will never have the opportunity to learn from, expand into and transform whatever is there for the better. It is my opinion that if you are a serious Yogi you either do not drink or use substances at all or you do but on rare occasions, but never as a regular habit. I understand that it does not have to be forced though and it is something that comes about naturally through a devoted practice. Thank you again for your thought provoking article. Blessings to all on their journey!