It happened on Thursday.
It was the end of the week, as here in New Zealand we celebrate Waitangi Day on February 6th which was Friday last week.
I finished work and met my partner at his workplace to catch a ride up to his boss’s house to get our car. His boss lives on top of a hill with panoramic views of Wellington, and he invited us in for a drink on the patio. A couple of wines and some conversation later, it was back to our house for a much needed meal.
And then, pleasantly relaxed after a couple of glasses of wine, and satiated after a satisfying meal, I realised I hadn’t done my sadhana. And it was edging toward bedtime. With a slight buzz remaining from the alcohol, and a full stomach from the meal, I was faced with a choice. Either I sat up and waited until my stomach was empty and the alcohol had processed through my system. Or I went to bed without doing my sadhana.
Day 35! Only five days left to go! How could I have let this happen!
I was loving the daily discipline of my sadhana, and finding it so easy to fit into my daily life. So easy that I’d become complacent… and as a result, missed day 35. And with the way it works when you’re doing a Forty Day Sadhana… that means I have to start all over again.
As I lay in bed contemplating this “failure”, I watched the thoughts generated, of judgment and failure… and let them go. Whatever. So I made it to day 35. I’ll just start again. No big deal. Stuff happens. There was a calm sense of acceptance, and without energy to feed their whispers, the thoughts soon melted away.
The last week or so of the sadhana, I’d been struggling with feeling breathless. I often needed to revert just to breathing in between the stomach pumps and mantra. Yet I noticed after the missed day… the sadhana seemed easier. I made it all the way through without having to take any extra breaths.
This week is teacher training with Twee Merrigan, and it’s going to be a very busy, yoga-filled week. So, I’ve decided that while I may do the sadhana if I have time, I’m going to officially start my forty day sadhana after the teacher training. Looking back, even though I didn’t complete this forty day round, I’ve noticed the most amazing benefits. I feel like I’ve burned through so much conditioning and samskara that just wasn’t serving me anymore. My ability to witness has increased, and I find myself about to see life as it is much easier.
So this is the last post on this sadhana. If you’ve been following along, I encourage you to start a sadhana of your own – simply a forty day spiritual practice. Sodarchan Chakra Kriya has been ideal for me at this stage in my life, but you may find something else that calls to you – maybe something as simple as committing to five sun salutations every day for forty days.
I know that my experience on Day 35 has shown me the importance of a morning practice, and of being constantly aware of priorities. It’s also reminded me that it’s the daily process and our attitude that matters far more than success or failure.
As I remind my students in balancing postures – we fall out because we’re human, we get back in because we’re yogis. I’ve fallen out, and next week, I’ll be getting back in.
Namaste!
Read the final post in the series:
Day 40: Completion of my Forty Day Sadhana of Sodarshan Chakra Kriya
I think it’s so awesome that you can admit your ‘slip-up’ to us, and accept it, forgive yourself, and even learn from the experience. You reminded me that we don’t have to give in to the chattering in our minds about ‘failure’ and imperfection, that we can just stand detached from these thoughts and just witness them, rather than than letting them ruin our lives and self-esteem. You are giving me renewed faith in the healing power of yoga in dealing with our human condition.
Hey Liana,
I guess that’s just all part of being human, realising we do make mistakes and we do mess-up. That’s not really the issue in many ways – it’s how we’re honest with ourselves about what we’ve done, how we front up to those we’ve affected, and the actions we take to make right the wrongs. Something that’s been also been for me is understanding the power of forgiveness – towards others, but also toward the self.
Thanks so much for commenting! Awesome to hear from you,
KL
Hi K-L,
I think what happened to you shows that the process has indeed worked it’s magic!
There is definitely magic being worked… but I’m still keen to do the complete 40 days to “close the circle” as such.
Blessings!
KL