by Kara-Leah Grant,
My daily, morning half-hour meditation is a must-do.
It’s the first priority as soon as I wake up, and whenever possible, I’ll get up and do it before my toddler is out of bed.
There are times though when he’s awake before me, and that means I meditate with him.
I’ve done this ever since he was a tiny baby – tiny enough to lie nestled on my lap, sleeping, while I meditated.
He out-grew that at about four months, and now he’s quite happy to play around me while I do my practice.
There are a few tricks I’ve learned along the way that make the whole process smoother though, and that’s what I’m going to share with you now.
Ten tricks to meditating with a young child (or with any other relentless distraction!)
1. Establish the possibility in your mind
I know it’s possible to meditate with a young child, so I just do it. Other mothers I’ve spoken to about this have said
Oh I can’t meditate because of my child.
So true. You can’t. Not while you hold that belief. So first up, examine what beliefs you might be holding around meditating with a child. Say to yourself:
I effortlessly meditate daily with my child
And notice how it feels in your body, or what thoughts float up in your mind. Any resistance there? What kind of resistance? Can you let it go? Can you establish a new belief? Can you open to the possibility that meditating with a young child is not only possible, but joyful?
2. Start young
If at all possible, get into the routine of meditating with your child when they’re first born. God knows you need it! And then they get used to the idea that Mum or Dad sits still and quiet beside them while they play. I’m sure it’s probably harder to start meditating with a toddler who has never seen you meditate before.
3. Be open to the experience
Meditating with a child is a different experience than meditating by yourself. Accept that. Let go of any attachments you have to a completely undisturbed meditation. You will be disturbed, and that’s ok. You may not go as ‘deep’ into meditation. And that’s ok too.
Be open to the opportunities that arise because of this difference. When you meditate with your child, especially if they’re under 2 years old, you are holding space for their consciousness too. Your meditation becomes their meditation and they are experiencing stillness and presence through you.
Meditating with your child also means that you can enjoy the simple pleasure of just sitting with your child and being aware of them as tiny conscious beings. It’s a delightful gift, and can surprise you with it’s richness.
4. Let go of any expectations
My morning meditation takes about 30 minutes, although when possible, I like to sit for 45 or 60 minutes. However, sometimes this gets disturbed. Samuel might need changing or feeding right in the middle. Or sometimes he’s asleep when I start, and wakes up during so I have to fetch him and either delay the end of my meditation, or continue with him around.
Sometimes having him around makes it really hard as I feel my attention being pulled left and and around. Sometimes he won’t settle and just needs me to play with him.
Whatever arises in this meditative space, I just let it be. If I can’t finish my meditation, so be it. Getting annoyed or upset about meditation is counter-intuitive to the process.
5. Choose a meditation that allows you to sit in awareness
My meditation practice is very simple – once I’ve gone through some mantra, mudra and pranayama, I sit in awareness just watching all that is. And that includes my child.
Meditation doesn’t mean I try and block out him, or the world, it means that I am aware of everything he is doing, yet I’m not reactive. This gives me the space to be responsive when necessary – at times he’ll wander over for a hug or to climb all over me and I’ll talk to him or OM to him. Other times, he may need me to untangle him from a toy, or pick him up from a tumble.
When I’m called upon to respond, I do so, with no drama, nor resistance, nor annoyance. My response is as meditative as my sitting.
6. Set boundaries for other family members
Often we’ve also got older children, or partners to consider as well during our meditation. If at all possible, choose a time when you and your young child are the only people in the house. Choose a room that’s not used for living so if anyone does come home, they don’t disturb you.
Make sure too that you turn the sound off on all phones!
Other family members that are old enough to respond to set boundaries need to do this for you! But you have to be the one to set the boundary. Make your meditation matter!
7. Start with a child-proof room
Essential!
You need to be in a room that’s self-contained, and has nothing at all that your child can’t play with.
That means no drawers that open, things they can climb on, or items they can destroy. You can’t be getting up off your mat or cushion to pull them away from things all the time.
8. Add a freshly-changed, well-feed and well-rested child
You don’t want to have to deal with any of your child’s needs while you’re meditating, so try and choose a time to meditate when all those needs have recently been met.
Early morning I’ve just changed Samuel, he’s never ready for breakfast, and he’s always well-rested. Plus he’s excited that it’s a brand new day and is usually in the best mood of the day.
9. Add favourite toys and refreshments
A child needs something to do, so make sure you’ll got all their favourite toys handy. Sometimes it can be wise to have their drink bottle or milk bottle close by, or even a small snack like a packet of raisins.
Having the rights toys around, and options for eating or drinking means you can easily hand them something if they need it, without having to get up and dig around for something.
10. Make the practice daily and enjoy!
Every single day I meditate. And as a result, I reap huge rewards. Which keep me meditating every single day. It’s a constant upward spiral. Plus you will never, ever, ever regret meditating.
Oh damn, I so wish I hadn’t meditated today!
Never gonna happen!
So just do it.
And enjoy the process – mediating with a young child is rewarding in so many ways, and I’m really curious to see what happens in our meditation/play practice as Samuel gets older. Maybe he’ll naturally join me in mantra, mudra, pranayama and meditation as he gets older. And maybe he won’t!
adan says
i was gonna comment on your great ideas (attentiveness, childproofing etc) but that video!
hey, you know that counts as a meditation for us viewers too, huh? ๐
your son shows a pretty mean “cobra” ’bout 5 minutes in, natural natural natural pounding those arms & lookin’ up, yes ๐ he reminds me of my own, but almost 40 years ago!
the image of you and your son reminds me of the current cover of yoga international (haven’t seen the mag yet, just the cover) – i rarely feel compelled to say this, but thank you for sharing ๐
Kara-Leah Grant says
Hey Adan,
I hadn’t noticed Samuel doing cobra, will have to go back and check it out. Yoga’s so natural for young kids! And that’s a beautiful image on the fron of Yoga International.
Blessings,
KL
Bonnie says
Hi Kara-Leah
Very inspiring, I have been doing my meditations at night because of my 2 toddlers, which I admit I sometimes do not get to for whatever reason, tired etc.. That is my biggest struggle in my daily practice.
I really appreciate your sharing and opening my eyes to a new way of practising and thinking.
If they can get used to asana they can certainly get used to meditation!
Samuel is very cute by the way :0)
Kara-Leah Grant says
Hey Bonnie,
Having two toddlers would definitely make it more challenging! I’d imagine it wouldn’t be twice as much distraction, but maybe four times as much, depending on how they play with each other.
I’d be curious to know how you get on – if they’re already used to you doing asana, I imagine they wouldn’t even notice too much.
Many blessings,
KL
Kenton Whitman says
Hi Kara-Leah!
Rebecca and I now have a little girl (two years old), and have been trying to re-establish a morning yoga and meditation practice that has been a bit disrupted over the last two years. I Googled ‘meditating with a toddler’, read this great article, and didn’t even discover it was you until I got to the bottom.
Thanks for the great tips — so very helpful! And great to see what you’ve been up to — we love the site!
Hugs,
Kenton
Kara-Leah Grant says
Hey Kenton,
What a delight to discover a comment from you! Congratulations to you and Rebecca on your little girl. There is nothing like a child to disrupt a yoga and/or meditation practice, that’s for sure! As Samuel grows up, I’m forever finding different ways to get my practice in – I find it even more valuable now I’m a parent! Glad you got some value out of the article too.
Much love,
KL
frazzled says
thank you very much for this practical & inspiring advice. the video anchors your advice in “real life”. I will try with my 2 yr old now!