My book hasn’t gone to print yet.
There’s been issues with corrupted files. Scheduling difficulties with layout folk and designers. Couriers that don’t deliver. Trimming accidents. And finally, font issues on the print proof.
It’s to be expected. There’s always issues in life. I know this. But every step of the way, I’m the one confronted with a choice to make. The buck always stops with me. And it’s relentless.
Every time as issue comes up, someone’s on the phone to me asking me what to do. Often Samuel is having a meltdown at the same moment and dinner’s on the stove and the bath is filling with water.
Plus every decision I make matters – it could mean the difference between a ruined print run or a book that’s not ready by launch date.
In the middle of this, I’m also organising a book tour, running a website, teaching yoga, looking after my child, running a household, and looking after myself.
Yesterday, after another email from my print manager letting me know the second print proof had also shown a corrupted font, I came dangerously close to breaking point.
I was walking the boardwalk with Samuel, who’d thrown a huge tantrum because he didn’t want to go the way I choose. Between him in my face crying and screaming and the emails coming in I was ready to jump in the water.
My belly was doing flip flops and my mind was beginning to spin a story.
I can’t do this.
But I’m way smarter than my mind now. I see it’s wily tactics and I can laugh in the face of them.
There was no meltdown coming from me on this one. Instead, a smaller deeper voice rose up from the depths of my being and announced.
I can do this.
I brought my awareness back to my breath, breathing all the way into the pit of my belly and feeling the crisp mountain air waking up every cell in my body. I widened my perspective and took in the mountains and the lagoon and the birdlife and the sky.
I brought myself right back to where I was – walking on the boardwalk with my son. I stayed present for the rest of the walk, knowing there was nothing I could do about the print run in that moment.
After dropping him at childcare, I got on the phone straight away, making firm decisions and being clear.
Two phone calls later I’d made the decision to go with a third print proof, delaying the print run another day. Worse case scenario, I have no books to sell at Kawai Purapura. I can live with that.
Ordering the print run and then discovering the new font we’d chosen to replace the corrupted font with hadn’t worked, and the entire print run was fit only for the garbage heap?
That, I couldn’t live with.
Decision made, the phone rings and it’s Victoria from Flow Hot Yoga saying they’d love to host a Book Launch Event on April 19th. Later Steve from Hot Yoga Nelson calls to say they’re in too. Kavita at The Narrows Retreat in Hamilton has also emailed me and wants to host an event, as does Pavitra at Yoga for You in Christchurch.
Momentum is building.
I get a sense that while the buck stops with me every step of the way, I’m not doing this alone.
And because I feel supported and held, it’s easier to relax into my own deeper knowing and trust that all will unfold. That place of trust is where the small voice speaks to me.
I know I can do this.
I can write and publish a book in six months flat.
I just need to keep showing up in each moment, bringing full awareness to my breath and being right where I am.
From that place of centred knowingness I can make any decision required with confidence – and making decisions confidently feels powerful.
Sure, I’ll get some of those decisions wrong, but as long as I can live with the result, it’s ok.
There’s freedom in knowing that.
You will make wrong decisions. But as long as you can live with the result, you’ll be ok.
I can do this. And so can you.
Interested in hosting an event? Email me now.
Editor’s Note: Three hours after I wrote this article the final print proof arrived, it was perfect, and the book went to print. YEAHHHHHHHHHHH!