I’m getting into the flow of getting into the flow. It’s a magical, scary way to operate.
I knew had time to spare, but I didn’t know where I was going and what I was going to do… and as I sat in that space on the bus I was surprised to see that it felt vulnerable.
Like I was free-falling. I knew I was putting myself in the hands of Grace, and who knew where that might take me?
As it turns out, it was to a Post Shop to buy, write and send a card to my grandparents, and then into Starbucks to catch up on some reading via Google Reader on my iPhone. Nothing major, or scary at all… yet that space prior on the bus when I didn’t know…
It’s a tough place to be in… which is why I guess so many of us avoid it so much, making plans and figuring out and strategizing and doing our very best to always KNOW.
But we all know that life is not linear. It is, by it’s very nature, circular. Witness the seasons, the planets, flowers, shells, numbers… that video down below.
Shifting into flow and inspiration allows us to access the wave-like, circular nature of life. Sometimes an inspiration arises and it doesn’t make sense at the time, or not for awhile. And sometimes it makes sense almost straight away.
I’m walking down the street, noting the sensations in my lower back, tuning in with my breath and observing that I’m holding tension there. So I breathe into the space, releasing the tension, as I do that, I can feel an achyness in my hips as it releases and I want to clamp up my lower back again.
Hmmm… do I need a massage I wonder? And I get an image of hands above the back, not a massage in the traditional sense, but more energy work. Ok. So I need to find an energy worker who does some massage. Holding that intention I walk down the street, nothing’s calling to me.
At a coffee a short while later with meditation teacher Peter Fernando I mention that I need some energy work. He suggests a fellow member of the Sangha who I know, but didn’t know did massage. I realize he was in my dream last night, which dealt with themes do to with the second chakra, which is where this healing is required.
My stomach lurches. I tune into Peter and ask him where Jay’s working. Natural Health. I’d walked past it, felt a pull, resisted. Seemed too obvious, thought it was just because I’d been there before, and knew the sign. I notice how quickly we discount our intuitive flow – it’s habitual and fast, so fast that sometimes we don’t even register we’ve had a guided notion arise.
Peter adds, if Jay’s not available, Paul’s really good, he does chakra work too. He’s got great energy. And I know I’m getting a massage with Paul, but when I go down to Naturual Health Centre, I still ask if Jay’s available. He’s not. Paul is. I book an appointment for an hour’s time and walk out feeling a shift within, something’s about to move – my dream makes more sense. Threads of the tapestry are tying together, in ever decreasing circles.
There’s trepidation as I chill at Starbucks, writing, before the massage. Time to let this go, once and for all.
Second chakra. Sexuality. Creativity. Expression.
Sex. Broken boundaries. Artificial boundaries. Promiscuity. Puritanism.
Fear of sex. It’s power. It’s demands.
Love of sex. It’s power. It’s freedom.
Sex – the root of all, or so thinks my man. And Freud too right. An opening. A release. An expression. A giving. A receiving. An energy. A power.
But most of all… truly being one’s fullest potential in the world. Total creative expression of Self.
Who does she think she is?
It’s a voice that arises unbidden from within at times. A sneering, brittle, angry voice designed to wilt all that comes before it.
When we truly let go… when we truly express… when we truly are… where do we go? What do we become? How do we handle the power, the responsibility, the visibility that comes with that?
And how dare we?
The massage is… powerful. Paul and I exchange a few words about why I’m there and what I want. We speak the same language and little needs to be said. There is an understanding, a transmuting of knowing.
During the massage/energy work, Paul only speaks briefly once or twice, giving specific information that resonates deeply. He’s very grounded, very open, very clear – those same qualities I’ve intended to personify while in Wellington.
Later, he asks if we’ve met before, he feels like he knows me. We may have. But I wonder if there’s just a recognition of sameness that creates that sensation of knowing.
I don’t make it to a yoga class today, the massage is my energy work.
The next morning, Saturday morning, I wake up shattered. My eyes are puffy. I look like I’ve had a late night out partying.
And this is where going with the flow gets tricky. A friend is picking me up at 9am and I’m really excited to see him and two other friends. But I know I’ve got some serious processing of shit going on as a result of the massage. My time frame in Wellington is so tight, I don’t want to cancel.
Instead, I walk up to the road to await my ride breathing in the energy of the large trees – the elders Melissa calls them. Their energy is large, powerful, solid, grounded and whether or not I’m just imagining it, the intent to pull in some of their energy makes me feel better.
As we pile out of the car at Amy’s house everyone’s reaching for their yoga mat and I remember with a jolt – shit, we were going to do yoga. I’m in jeans, the first time this week I’ve been out of yoga pants, and no mat. Plus the thought of taking a class makes me feel exhausted.
I breathe into this, weighing up expectations, promises, energy levels and as I do so, I realise there are no rules here. It’s me that Grant, Amy and Josephine are here to enjoy, and my teaching is just an expression of me – second chakra again. We can do yoga together right from where I am today, following what I need, and what they need.
So we do.
We arrange our mats in a star, facing into each other, and begin with a chakra scan and grounding. Each of us checks in with our bodies and sees where the tension is today. We share our insight, and from this place, a class collaboratively arises. I’m not really teaching as such, more facilitating.
It’s a lovely process as we do some partner work, taking time to stop and talk about what we feel and experience. Grant is off to yoga teacher training in two weeks and he leads us through a divine neck stretch that turns out to also stretch the shoulders and arms.
It’s a delicious, intimate way to lead a small group of experienced yogis through a tailored practice that furthers their ability to connect their own teacher.It’s a way of teaching I’ve been musing over in my mind for awhile now – and lo and behold, out of no where, the ability to do a test run arose. Threads weaving together to create a tapestry.
After our class, I feel lighter, clearer, better and ravenous – but they’d thought of that and a whip-up meal of scrambled eggs, bagels, cream cheese, tomato and OJ magically appears at speed.
Sharing our meal, after sharing our practice, is beautiful. Light-hearted. There’s much laughter, and I can feel how the yoga has shifted me into a heart-space that was lacking when I woke up this morning.
It’s close to 1pm when I’m dropped back at Melissa’s, and all I want to do is curl up with a book on her window seat. So I do. And promptly fall asleep. Ah… forget napping, I really need to sleep. So I tuck myself up in bed and sleep soundly for four hours. It’s still the effects of the massage working their way through my body. When I awake, there’s even a text from Paul checking in to see how I’m feeling.
Much better after that sleep. And ravenous. Again. Food never tasted so good. Still tired though, and all I plan to do this evening is read and go back to sleep.
After the high energy enthusiasm and go go go of the last few days, today has had a completely different quality. It is the dip in the wave that follows – and precedes – the peak. It’s a place we often try to avoid, as we seek to continue our manic pace in life so we can get as much done as possible. Yet this takes us out of life’s harmony, it takes us out of harmony, out of balance.
Going with the flow of inspiration means also allowing one to rest when needed, stop when needed, honour one’s energy levels when needed. I’m really excited to be in bed tonight before 8pm… and just sleep, sleep, sleep some more.
What a treat!
And now for a treat of a different kind… enjoy this video!